While I had a few cheeky pashes on my travels, I had gotten to London and realised that my love life was lacking. And by lacking I mean non existent. So what does a single gal do in such a scenario? She re-installs Tinder of course!
I could immediately feel my inner cynic cringe at the mere thought. I had been through the Tinder cycle before and hadn’t really gotten much out of it besides potential fuck buddies and boys (note: not men) who were all talk and no action.
But alas I went ahead and logged myself back in and quickly remembered why Tinder was so much fun. It’s a fab ego boost and swiping through screeds of men makes you believe that there are eligible bachelors everywhere. I quickly matched with a fellow Kiwi in London who I had a few multiple friends with. I saw that one of them was a good girlfriend of mine from back home. So I obviously went into stalker mode and asked her how they knew each other. Turns out they met while they were travelling in Spain and shared a cheeky kiss. God I couldn’t even go to London and find a guy that wasn’t ‘tainted’ by someone I knew? Slim pickings my friend, slim pickings.
Nevertheless we quickly got chatting and I found that he had good banter, was cute and keen to meet me. Our first date was fairly typical for Tinder, we met at a bar for drinks. But it was probably one of the best first dates I had been on in a while, drinks turned into cocktails, which turned into dinner. A ‘quick drink’ turned into a two and a half hour date, we were getting on like a house on fire. As we hugged goodbye I sat on the train home patiently waiting for the ‘follow up’ text, you know, the text telling you how much of a fabulous time you had. But it never came. I quickly thought to myself that perhaps I’m too traditional and should put on my big girl panties and text him first. He quickly replied and asked when he could see me next.
We started regularly seeing each other and went on some pretty amazing dates. We went to an interactive theatre, visited Chinatown where we had out first kiss under the light-up lanterns and he surprised me with tickets to Book of Mormon. He was quickly proving himself to be charming, sweet and thoughtful. Not to mention he was cute, I felt like I was onto a winner. When we had sex it wasn’t a quick fuck wham bam thank you mam type of deal, it was fiery, powerful and passionate. He made me feel sexy and wanted.
The first month of dating was perfect, so what did I have to go and do? Have the ‘what are we’ chat of course! A chat that’s awkward in nature and really, if you’re the one who has to initiate it, it won’t go well. I don’t know what I was expecting. He told me that he still had feelings for his ex. Of course I immediately retreated and told him that I wasn’t going to be a second option, but he reassured me that he wanted to move on and he liked me so I decided to give him a shot. Red Flag 1.
He left to go back home for the Christmas holidays and during his three month holiday I had heard from him a total of about 3 times. Red Flag 2. It was New Years Eve when I got a phone call from him apologising for being slack, that he hadn’t been himself lately and wanted to take things slowly. Although I was still feeling a bit sceptical, I was game, however he didn’t really step up to his promises.
What I did receive was weeks of half-assed attempts at making plans. I would make him dinner for 7 pm and it would be at 7 pm that he would ring and say he was 40 minutes away, like it was no big deal. I would tell him that I was stressed about problems back home and he wouldn’t listen, remember or even attempt to make me feel better. We went to a comedy show where he spent the night making snarky digs at me. That was the night I told him I had had enough. I was over being treat like crap and I didn’t deserve this. He turned on the crocodile tears once again and told me that he was sorry and that I was right. Once again I believed him against my better judgement. Red Flat 171794847.
I became so frustrated with him, I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t making more of an effort with me. Was I not good enough? Maybe he just wasn’t that interested in me after all…
The final straw for me was Valentines weekend. While we hadn’t made plans for actual Valentines Day, we had made plans to go on a pub crawl with his friends on the Saturday. But first we were having a flat party on the Friday night which I had invited him to. He decided it was appropriate to arrive at 11 pm, not give an excuse to why he was so late and jump into my bed at 11:30 pm – apparently this was enough socialising time for him?!
Albeit in a drunken state, I confronted him and told him that I was pissed. I told him that he should leave and none of this was ok. He obliged and I didn’t hear from him the next day, the same day I was meant to be meeting his brothers and cousins. Luckily I was in too much of a hungover state to over analyse his lack of communication. But I had had enough and already made up my mind. I was through with his excuses, done with his half-assed attempts and knew that I deserved better. I knew I needed to end whatever the hell we had going on.
In a somewhat cowardly move I decided to end it via text…on Valentines Day. I know what you’re thinking, ‘you heartless wench’ but I was in such an angry state that I couldn’t have given less fucks.
I messaged him saying that it would probably not come as a surprise that I was unhappy and we were probably better of as friends. He replied saying that he agreed and that perhaps we weren’t that compatible. Ouch. Although I knew he was right, its always slightly painful when someone reiterates it and doesn’t give you the expected response. Where was his grovelling? Where was him telling me he was so sorry and that I was too fabulous to give up? Maybe I wasn’t even that fabulous to begin with…?
Surely I should have seen the red flags a mile off? I mean I had met my share of assholes so I should have seen this coming right? I think that relationships are always going to be a minefield and you’re always figuring it out, no two men are going to be the same and I suppose that’s what keeps it interesting…